By Sandra Ijeoma Okoye
There is an African folklore that can in this context be considered to be a magnum opus. The folklore which has storylines that might have ostensibly been told across communities in the country, particularly in the Southern parts of the country, to a large extent, defines the trajectory of a father who married a new wife, and groundlessly became uncaring and un-fatherly to one of his children, who is invariably a girl, from previous marriages. Uchenna, the lead character, was unarguably lecherous and easily gets hooked to any woman he considered to be lovely enough, and had very little consideration for deep reflective thinking. He was no doubt a man of thoughtlessness, particularly to the daughter since he added another wife to his somewhat chain of wives.
Given the foregoing portrayal, he no doubt come across as a playboy on account of his polygamous disposition which unarguably speaks volume. Well a bit remembered for being the proverbial amorous farmer who acted out of infatuation that was reputed to be adroit in cultivation of cassava plantations, which he usually afterward give out to any woman he beholds to be beautiful that comes his way to the detriment the wellbeing of his family.
The foregoing folktale is understandable considering the fact that it was figuratively hewed in the days of yore when fathers, in particular, never ensured the girl-child receives quality education that ought to be their human right.
The foregoing anecdote which no doubt aptly describes most seeming irresponsible fathers, or rather infidels of today is unarguably anachronistic in the prevailing computer age. In fact, the depth of the antiquity that is inherent with it came to the fore when a woman that pleaded anonymity to yours sincerely by virtue of my predilection to advocacy on issues that pertain to female-gender, parenting among other issues that revolve around social justice in the society.
According to her, “Since my ex-husband married yet another wife being what he has a knack for, he has remained uncaring to our daughter. Not only has he suddenly become uncaring and un-fatherly to the girl, he seems to exhibit an attitude of hatred towards her.
“The situation is unarguably emotional so much that the girl cries almost all the time, and my prayer is that the girl should not give in to depression.” Without any iota of exaggeration, child neglect is one of the most common forms of child mistreatment. It can affect a child’s physical and mental health and can lead to long-term adverse consequences. There is no denying the fact that child neglect can spring from many complex issues, among which parental neglect is; as been exhibited by her father, and this is the most reason the woman was overwhelmingly worried.
From what was understood from her as regards the psychology of the ex-husband, he is such a man that is bereft of an Independent mind.
For instance, he is so paranoid in his first marriage that he suddenly declared that he was no longer interested after unreasonably accusing her of infidelity and being fetish. At this juncture, it is expedient to say that the first wife has 6 children for him. As if the marital bliss, if not for anything but for having a productive woman, is not enough, he literarily blocked his ears to advices, and went for a second wife that is based in abroad, and who eventually birthed a child for him. As “He-goatish” as he is, the same man married the third wife and expectedly divorced her by accusing her of infidelity and being fetish. Now the same man is married to another man’s wife with a son, and on account of the baseless and damaging information his latest wife is wont to feed him with by each passing day, he always has reasons to fall apart with his daughter from the first wife based on the lies the current wife told him. He neglects his daughters, particularly the one been emphasized in this piece, and his other children. To this end, permit me to advice that men should think of their old age and stop frustrating their girl-child.
Against the foregoing backdrop, I counseled her that it is an issue she should handle with tact and diplomacy as it is said that “We stoop to conquer”, and that when you educate a woman you educate a nation, and added that when women are given responsibilities in public offices, they do better than their male counterparts because of their sympathetic nature.
In fact, it is expedient to say that education is the process of impacting, learning and gaining skills, knowledge, morals and behavior based on preventive and palliative measures. It enables the child to realize his or her full potential to think, ask questions and judge independently. It enables her to make wise decisions as well as develop sense of belonging by learning how to respect, love one another and become a useful member of the society. The lack of education denies the girl child knowledge and skills needed to advance their status.
At this juncture, it is expedient to wax ecclesiastical, and opine that when men see standards given to them in the Scripture, it is easy to be tempted to despair. Many recognize just how far short they have fallen in this area. Men are called to provide for the wives’ physical needs (1 Tim. 5:8), to live with their wives in an understanding way and love and care for them as they would their own bodies (1 Pet. 3:7), and to raise their children in the discipline and instruction in the Lord (Eph. 6:4).
Many men, like the runaway father been opined about in this context, know they have not lived up to these standards but, instead of looking inward to all their failures, they must lift up their eyes to the hills, from where their help comes from, which is Jesus Christ our Lord and Savior. He has come as the perfect provider, doing for men what they can never do on their own. He has provided men; His very own perfect life, His sacrificial death, and His triumphant resurrection from the dead. What infidels needed to stand right before God, He came and provided on our behalf. It is by turning away from our own sinful self-sufficiency and placing our trust in the One who is sufficient in Himself that we find the freedom to rest in Him and then, out of a loving and humble gratitude, to follow our great Provider as we provide for our own households.
Besides, it is expedient to say in this context that everyone at every age needs attention! It feels good when someone focuses his or her full attention on his or her child, particularly in terms of providing the needful for such child, and in the same vein gives such child a sense of belonging within the family, most especially as we are in Easter Season; whether within an immediate family set up or extended. Children need attention in order to grow, develop self-esteem and a positive sense of identity, and to flourish and succeed. There’s even research showing that parental attentiveness has a connection to releasing children’s growth hormones.
Of course, you want to give your child attention. Sometimes though, it seems they need lots and lots of attention and time, more than perhaps you feel you have. You don’t have to be there every minute of every day, but do consider when to give them attention, how much to give, and what kind of attention works best.
