AWKA/Nigeria: A consultant neuro-psychiatrist, Dr. Maymunah Yusuf-Kadiri, has advised separated parents to place emotional safety and civility at the centre of co-parenting, warning that children often become the silent victims of unresolved adult conflicts.
Yusuf-Kadiri, who is also the Medical Director of Pinnacle Medical Services Ltd., gave the advice on Thursday in Awka, stressing that co-parenting, though challenging, must never expose children to emotional harm, whether the parents were married or not.
She said children should not be drawn into the emotional battles of adults or forced to navigate hostility between their parents.
“Children did not sign up for silent wars, loud fights, emotional manipulation or being used as messengers and referees between adults. These children do not need perfect parents but emotionally regulated adults who can manage conflict without transferring pain and resentment to them,” she said.
The specialist explained that a child’s nervous system constantly observes how parents interact, noting that such interactions shape a child’s understanding of safety, love and conflict.
According to her, the way parents communicate becomes the template through which children learn emotional regulation. “Civility is not weakness; it is protection,” she added.
Yusuf-Kadiri cautioned co-parents against competing for a child’s loyalty, weaponising access or turning affection into a tug-of-war, warning that such behaviour could leave lasting psychological scars.
She emphasised the importance of consistency, predictable routines, stable communication, clear boundaries and emotional safety in helping children heal and thrive after separation.
The neuro-psychiatrist also urged parents to seek therapy and professional support to deal with grief, anger and unresolved issues away from the child.
“Unhealed parents can create unsafe environments without meaning to. The real win in co-parenting is not who is right, but who protected the child’s mind,” she said.
She noted that children raised in emotionally safe environments were more likely to grow into stable adults who would not require years of psychological repair.
Yusuf-Kadiri advised co-parents to regularly examine their conduct, asking whether their presence calmed or unsettled their child.
“Children may not forget how adults made them feel. Protect the child and regulate the adults — that is the real work,” she said.
